YOUR SURVIVAL STRATEGY: Enjoy the Journey from Engagement to the Alter

Now that the holidays are over and Valentine’s Day is almost here, many lucky ladies out there will find themselves engaged! Tempting for all you new brides to be to run out and buy every wedding magazine you can find . . . purchase your four-inch thick planning notebook . . . and shop for the most exciting stuff . . . dresses, those cute ring bearer pillows, bubbles, favors, etc.

My best advice? Slow down. First savor the celebration of your engagement. What a huge milestone in your life; don’t pass over it so quickly to get to the wedding faster. Shout it from the rooftops, polish your ring everyday and show off your fiancé with pride.

When it’s time to start planning try to resist the temptation to just do the fun stuff first. Go ahead and get the magazines and start clipping pictures of things you love, but before you start buying everything that strikes you, make sure you have definite answers to TWO very important questions:

1. What is your budget and where are the funds coming from? The answer to this question will dictate almost every other decision you make along the way. Be sure you know for sure what you have to spend and that you have commitments from those spending it.

2. What is most important to you? Make sure that you know what your wedding priorities are. Early on make a list of everything your budget needs to cover; i.e. flowers, rings, venue, etc. Literally rank the items beginning with what’s most important to you and ending with what is least important.

Knowing how much you have to spend and what your priorities are will give you the blueprint for your planning process. Begin making decisions and purchases in the order of your priority list. This will ensure that you make the best use of your money and any necessary compromises or sacrifices are on the things you care the least about.

And all those pictures you clipped from the magazines? Use these as your inspiration to pull all the details together. Bring them to vendors such as cake and floral designers so that they get a true sense of what shapes, sizes, colors and styles appeal to you.

Follow these steps and you have a practical strategy for not only surviving the planning process . . . but enjoying it.

Happy planning everybody!

"Reality" vs. Reality

Okay, I admit it! I am a wedding planner and all those reality television shows that chronicle those in this profession . . . ? I watch them all. Yup! From My Fair Wedding to Platinum Weddings, and when I’m in the mood for a chuckle, even Bridezillas. I must admit that even though I am immersed in this industry on a daily basis, I find it validating to see others take on similar challenges, struggle through the stressful “oh crap” moments and, of course, experience the rush of a completed and successful event.

However, I also must admit that I’m beginning to lose my love affair with wedding reality shows. Quite frankly the reality on these shows doesn’t seem to mimic the reality I see each day. More and more of these programs seem to show weddings only through diamond encrusted glasses . . . as if all brides and grooms have a bottomless bucket of wedding money. And the wedding planners seem to be playing the role of Fairy Godmothers (or fathers) rather than practical and organized professionals whose role is to work with the constraints that they’re given.

Case in point. I happened upon a new show the other day. I won’t name names. Here’s the jist . . Three wedding planners competed for a booking. When I heard the concept I was thrilled. Now here is a show that will display what really goes on, right? The couple gave the planners their preferences and their very modest budget. I couldn’t wait to see these three seasoned planners pitch their individual proposals of how they were going to give this couple the wedding they envisioned without breaking their budget. This is my challenge everyday. What happened in the end? The couple picks the “celebrity” planner who clearly called in every favor he could to give them a wedding that, from what I could tell, cost at least triple their budget. Now I don’t fault a couple for getting a bunch of freebies to make their dream wedding a reality. Who wouldn’t? But for once, I’d like to see a reality show tell the story of a couple and their planner working together to bring their vision to life under realistic circumstances.

Reality is that “real” couples have “real” budgets and “real” constraints. A planner’s role isn’t just to wave their magic wand and find a way to get people things that cannot otherwise afford. Unless there is a television studio behind it, this does not happen. But planners can make magic with real couples by getting to know them and calling upon their own creativity and extensive knowledge of the industry. Our relationships with local vendors, negotiating skills and creative ideas of how to do more with less can provide couples with significant savings and fantastic events. I make it my goal to bring savings to my clients at least equivalent to my own fee.

What I want every bride out there to know is that you don’t have to have a bottomless bucket of wedding money and a “fairy godmother” to have a fabulous wedding. Wedding planners are accessible to all kinds of brides. Most have flexible services and are accustomed to working within the guidelines given by the clients. And most importantly, they can help you create a fantastic wedding that is uniquely you!

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No chamapgne and roses at this party . . . Red, white and blue and lots of yellow ribbons

Taking a break from weddings, I had the honor to be a part of a very special event . . . the surprise birthday and farewell party for Sgt. 1st Class Michael Horner of Clifton Park, New York who is being deployed to Kuwait just after the holidays. With 17 years as an Army National Guardsman and 18 years as a member of the Clifton Volunteer Park Fire Department, this brave man was truly deserving of a special sendoff.

My involvement all began over the summer when Michael’s wife, Christine, contacted me for advice on choosing the perfect venue for this family and community affair. What better place than the firehouse, a second home to her husband? Compelled to help this family and to honor a man who serves my country AND my local community, I jumped in with both feet and offered to help Christine plan the entire event. Over several months, Christine and I had a great time putting together a party full of patriotic flair.

Of course the room was bathed in red, white and blue . . . everything from balloons to cupcakes reminded guests of Mike’s service to our country. Guests were given favors of yellow ribbon car magnets and pins to symbolize a collective hope for Mike’s safe return. Adding a little humor to the event, the custom designed cake featured a bomb with a fireman extinguishing its flame.

One of Christine’s main goals in planning this event was to ensure that the large number of kids attending this event would really enjoy it. I am happy to say that we didn’t disappoint. I called in a unique entertainment company called Games2U who provided a mobile gaming van, hamster ball and laser tag for kids (of all ages) to enjoy and with the gorgeous weather we had that day . . . enjoy they did!

I'd like to ackowledge my intern, Leah, for a job well done and all those vendors donating or discounting their services to make this event a huge success. . . Heather Madeline Photography (http://www.heathermadeline.com/) and Games2U (http://www.g2u.com/). Thanks to reporter Glenn Griffith for his coverage of this event in the Community News.

It was truly a pleasure and an honor to be a part of this special day. It was a reminder to me that there are some very heroic people in our communities who are deserving of our gratitude. Please join me in keeping Sgt. Horner, his family and all of our troops and emergency personnel in your thoughts and prayers each day.

Negotiate (Tip #5: Champagne Wedding . . . Boxed Wine Budget)

This tip is a biggie that can result in big savings! Negotiating terms with wedding vendors can take on many forms. It is not always as simple as asking for a lower price for any given service.

The first step to negotiation is doing your homework. Know what the going rate is for services in your area and make sure that you talk with more than one vendor so that you can make valid comparisons between them. Once you do this, you’ll have a better idea of who you are in a position to negotiate with.

Next is determining who has more “chips” in any given negotiation. If you choose to have your wedding during an off-peak season or day, your negotiating power can be pretty high. The vendor may really need your sale and with the pool of customers smaller for your date, they may be more willing to accommodate you. However, make sure to use great tact and diplomacy when negotiating. Demanding a lower price may not get you far. Instead, a great way to begin this discussion with a vendor would be . . . “we chose to have an off-season wedding because we have a limited budget. This is what we had in mind to spend. Is there any way that we can get the price closer to this number?” This respectful request provides the vendor the opportunity to make a proposal to you that may be more enticing.

In the contrary situation, having your wedding on a Saturday during the peak season, your negotiation power can be limited. After all, it is likely that the vendor could have their pick of brides and grooms for that date. However, if you aren’t able to negotiate a lower price for a service, try requesting modifications to their package/service in a way that works for your budget. For example, if you’re wanting to have an extra hour of open bar at your venue but cannot afford the extra expense, try to find an opportunity to exchange some other part of the package such as the champagne toast or the dessert and have guests toast with what is in their hand and enjoy the wedding cake as dessert. For photographers and videographers, try shortening the coverage period or cutting down on the number of DVD’s or prints. This form of negotiation may not lower your bottom line, but makes sure that you’re getting what is most important to you for the money that you spend.

The most important thing to remember about negotiating is not making demands but instead inviting a vendor into a mutual discussion of how to structure services to meet your particular needs and budget. If you find a vendor completely unwilling to accommodate you, don’t be afraid to keep looking for someone else who will.

So . . . get out there and negotiate!

Retail, Recycle and Recoup (Tip #4: Champagne Wedding . . . Boxed Wine Budget)

It takes a special kind of bride to really capitalize on this tip. If you love to shop and find bargains, this tip is for you. Use it wisely and save big bucks!

With elaborate craft and party stores in almost every neighborhood and endless online resources for wedding and party supplies, purchasing items directly instead of renting or purchasing them through a vendor can add up to huge savings. The basic idea is this, figure out what items you can buy directly at a lower price than what you would pay a vendor. After the wedding, sell those items to another bride looking to do the same thing, recouping a portion of your funds.

For example, glassware for floral arrangements can be a significant line item in your floral bill. Instead of renting them or purchasing them from your florist, buy them yourself at your local craft store. To really capitalize on your savings, make sure you use the handful of coupons that are in the weekly newspapers. Usually you can get 40-50% off of one item and most stores accept competitors’ coupons. Go a few times a week taking a new coupon each time or take a few friends to the store, giving them each a coupon to use, and walk away with your glassware at half the price. Better still . . . when your wedding is over, list the glassware for sale on a website such as Craigslist, Ebay or Weddingbee and get some or ALL of your money back!

You can use the same strategy with online shopping for items such as linens, lanterns, candy bar supplies, etc. However, there are a couple of things you should be aware of when ordering such items online. Be sure to review the return policy. Since you are not able to inspect the quality of items until they arrive at your door, make sure there won’t be a large expense for returning those items if they are not up to snuff. Also, don’t forget that a significant portion of online pricing is in the shipping and handling cost. When trying to determine your savings, make sure you account for those expenses.

Not all items you can purchase are appropriate for resale, but don’t let that stop you. Purchasing items directly such as favor boxes and fillings, candles, placecards, etc., rather than obtaining them through a vendor, will allow you the opportunity to get them on sale or with a coupon and without an upcharge often affixed by a vendor. Bear in mind that those same classified websites you can use to sell your items can also be a great place to purchase them.

Being a savvy shopper and giving yourself plenty of time to collect the items you need, will definitely help you stick to your budget. If you have the time and the bargain shopping skills, you’ll be amazed at what you can have and how much you can save!

Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize (Tip #3: Champagne Wedding . . . Boxed Wine Budget)

Planning a wedding is a huge undertaking. Sometimes the greatest challenge is knowing where and how to begin. This tip really should be number one because it’s a simple way to get started planning a beautiful yet affordable wedding. All you’ll need is a piece of paper, a pencil and your fiancé (IF you value his or her opinion!).

FIRST, make a list of all the major elements of your wedding. Here is a basic list to get you started:

· Wedding Date/Season
· Location
· Food
· Bar Arrangements
· Flowers & Décor
· Attire
· Music/Entertainment
· Stationary (invitations, menus, programs, etc.)
· Favors
· Transportation
· Cake
· Photography
· Videography

NEXT, rank the items in the order of importance to YOU by re-writing the list in that order. For example, if you absolutely must have your wedding on a specific date or in a specific season, “Wedding Date/Season” would rank #1. If you then have your heart set on a specific band for your reception, that would rank #2 and so on.

FINALLY, start planning your wedding in order of your priority rankings. In the above example, you’d start by choosing a few “doable” dates, finding out which of those dates the band is available, and then finding a location that is also available on those final dates. In contrast, if location ranks higher than date, you’ll find your location and then choose an available date for that specific location. Continue booking your vendors and making your selections in the order of your list.

By using this basic guideline, you’ll ensure that you get first choice for most of the items that are most important to you. In addition, the majority of the money will be spent on those items. As you make your way toward the bottom of the list, you may find that money is starting to get tight or your choices are limited. But lucky for you, any compromises that must be made will be ones that matter the least to you.

In the end, you get what you want . . . a wedding that is uniquely you and peace of mind knowing that the money was well spent. Happy prioritizing everybody!